I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I need a beard to bite.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
