I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Randomize
