Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dude i'm inner monologue high
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
you had me at cake vodka
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
