My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
