hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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