I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
