I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
