Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
