I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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