I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
