Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
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I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
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The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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