i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just high enough for therapy.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
