I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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