I just pynch a tree in the face
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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