So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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