love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
