i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
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I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
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You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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