the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Can you bring me the toilet please
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
