oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
