Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
