Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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