Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
