You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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