If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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