no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
