The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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