If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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