so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
