bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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