she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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