we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
