the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
