apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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