If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
