Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
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He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
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Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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