Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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