to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
