why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize