so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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