did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
