it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Randomize
