Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
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We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
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I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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