How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Let's paint friendship bongs
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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