he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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