she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
