I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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