Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
