What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
