Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
