Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
