If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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