Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
