I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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