sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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