OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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