that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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