just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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