yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
