I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
