I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
