I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
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I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
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Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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