I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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