Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
