Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
